The Hardest Thing I’ve Ever Done: Learning to Trust Myself (And Letting That Be Enough)
Published: July 16, 2025
March 2025 - When I Finally Got Honest With Myself
I started my real healing journey in March 2025 - the month I decided to stopped kind of caring about my mental health and commit to it. I got a new therapist, started facing some hard truths, and set three goals that would become the backbone of my healing:
1. To trust myself.
2. To become physically and mentally strong.
3. To not give up on myself, even when things feel impossible.
And let me tell you - trusting myself? Hands down, the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’s not a single moment or some magical switch you flip. It’s an everyday choice. Sometimes it feels like walking a tightrope in fuzzy socks. But it’s also the most powerful, freeing, life-changing thing I’ve ever committed to.
Tell Your Anxiety It’s on Mute
When I first discovered Joe Dispenza, I wasn’t sure if I was listening to a meditation guide or a quantum physicist. He was talking about “becoming no one, no thing, in no time,” and I was like, Sir, I’m just trying to survive this Monday.
But then I actually tried one of his meditations. The ones where he tells you to go beyond your body and elevate your emotional state. At first, it felt weird. My brain was noisy. My body was restless. But something in me wanted to believe this could work - that maybe I wasn’t doomed to live in constant fear.
Over time, I noticed little shifts. I wasn’t spiraling as fast. I was breathing deeper. I was starting to witness my thoughts instead of becoming them. It was clunky and awkward, but I was doing it. And that meant everything.
Train Your Mind Like It’s in a Rocky Movie
Joe says we can rewire our brains. That thought gave me hope - and also a bit of homework. I started catching myself mid-thought and asking: Does this belief help the version of me I’m becoming? If not, I started letting it go. (Way easier said than done)
Manifestation isn’t just pretty journals and Pinterest quotes. (Although… guilty.) It’s a daily practice of choosing your future self over your fearful self. Of showing up even when your brain is begging you to crawl under a blanket and disassociate.
So every day I visualized the version of me I wanted to be: strong, calm, confident. Not perfect - but resilient. And honestly? I’m still becoming her.
What I Do Every Day to Stay Grounded (Even If It’s Just for 2 Minutes)
No matter how busy life gets, I commit to small grounding rituals that help my body feel safe again:
• Somatic exercises to release built-up stress in my nervous system
• Breathing breaks with my Apple Watch (yes, even just 2 minutes!)
• Journaling, slow walks, and checking in with how I feel, not just how I think I should feel
• Meditating - sometimes for 15 minutes, for 5, but always with intention
Because healing doesn’t happen in one big breakthrough. It happens in the tiny, boring, sacred choices we make every single day.
Remember: I Am Not My Anxiety. I Am My Power
I’m still learning. Still figuring it out. But for the first time in my life, I believe I’m capable of doing hard things - and not just surviving them, but coming out stronger, softer, and more in tune with who I am. So if you’re reading this and you feel like healing is too far away or too hard to hold - I see you. And I want you to know: you don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to begin. You just have to trust yourself - even a little.
I hope that whoever is reading this - if you feel stuck, if moving forward feels impossible - this blog gently reminds you that healing is possible, and hope is never out of reach.
